dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
