Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
