just come out here and I will go home with you...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
