Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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