My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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