I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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