No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
