dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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