Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
