my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
