If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
