Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize