I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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