You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
