How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
