We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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