Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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