You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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