I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
