i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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