I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
