He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize