I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
