New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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