wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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