I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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