I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
