I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I deserve this hangover.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
