they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize