i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
