Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
