Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
