If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
