I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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