Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
