I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize