The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The ass gains better be worth it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
