I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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