I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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