So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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