This is not my ceiling
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
