I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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