Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
