I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A+ Viking dick
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