take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
