He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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