Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
