god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
