Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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