I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
