The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
