dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize