did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
