All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
where am i from again
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
