He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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