I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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