whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
