It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
