I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
