My room smells like vodka and shame
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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