Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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