When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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