So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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