I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
