my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
