I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
