she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
