I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
