By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
