how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
