she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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