I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
