I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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