i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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