She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
