Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
