Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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