I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
