the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
