textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
