I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
