I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
