So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
