Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
