I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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