dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize