You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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