I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
