Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
