There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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