he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
