I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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