we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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