If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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