Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize
