well you can't waste a boner
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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