I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
