awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
