Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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