Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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