It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
